my dating options

the hipster doofus

what's with those glasses

that obviously don't fit your face?

are they for real,

or are they fake?

and why the curly mullet?

have you just not had a hair cut for a while,

or is that how you want it to look?

no, i've never heard of that 

obscure indie goth band

that no one's ever heard of unless

they're from/lived in colorado.

you make it harder for me to give you 

a fake phone number.

because as soon as i give you the digits,

you text me some semi-ironic, semi-sarcastic text like, 

"are you having a REAL good time tonight?!"

and here comes the political talk.

about how you don't care if you don't buy american.

because you just want a quality car.

and you're convinced that this logic is what's going to 

help america get back on it's feet.

because they will be forced to start producing quality again,

that is, if they want your business.

and you then present me with your "new" model

of government, about how you could fix it all.

and yet, your model sounds 

almost identical to socialism.

and your basis for all of this is the 

one semester you studied abroad in germany.

- which, don't even get you started on german beer

and america's inferiority to it.

you go on and on and don't realize

i haven't responded in quite some time.

i haven't given you more than a, 

"mhmm." or a,

"oh yeah? you dont say..." or a

half-laugh that could be confused for a 

puff of air i had been holding in and 

suddenly released.

the hipster doofus,

you make me question the entire time we're out,

"do i really sound like that?

do i say these things?

god i hope not"

and then at the end of the night,

when you don't get the hint

that i don't want to take you home with me,

you text again.

hoping for some immediate feedback

and perhaps a complement.

"hey, it was good to see you,

sorry we didn't get to talk more,

bad seating arrangement."

and all i can think of is,

he didn't know my seat choice

was intentional...?